IMP002: Overcoming trauma and finding inner peace with Deron Essex

Deron Essex - Overcoming Trauma and Finding Inner Peace (#002)

 

TODAYS SPECIAL GUEST

Deron Essex

Deron is a driven and passionate life coach and founder of Grounded Flight and dedicates his work in helping people to heal their past traumas and to reprogram their mind for inner peace, positive thinking, and confidence.

 

Over the last 4 years, Deron has worked with people of all ages across the world to positively transform their emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical wellbeing by releasing negative and self-sabotaging thought patterns and ‘uploading’  24/7 positive, self-affirming thought patterns. His goal is to help his clients to become their most evolved version of themselves.

 

Deron turned his own life around when he went from a depressed, anxious, suicidal college student to an international coach, speaker, and facilitator by the age of 23.

 

Listen to the episode on Apple PodcastsSpotifyOvercastStitcherCastboxGoogle Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform

WHAT YOU’LL LEARN
  • How Deron overcame an extremely traumatic childhood thanks to a single moment that guided him in a positive path of safety, comfort, and inner peace.
  • How seeing an opposite reflection on your situation can inspire you to take charge and not to remain a victim.
  • How we can break out of negative thought patterns.
  • Why meditation and visualisation are powerful tools of self-care that enable you to heal yourself and bring you inner peace.
  • Why opening up and exposing your vulnerability is a superpower, one that unlocks emotional connection and happiness.
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KEY RESOURCES & LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE

Connect with Deron EssexDeronessex.com | LinkedInFacebook | YouTube

  • Ask. And it is given by Abraham Hicks
  • Think of Greg Rich Napoleon Hill
  • Tantric Sex, love and relationships for the modern man
TRANSCRIPT

Stuart Dixon:
Hello, my friends. My name is Stuart Dixon and welcome to the Ignited Man Podcast, a weekly show dedicated to improving the lives of men. This is Episode two, the first interview session!

And I’m delighted to welcome Deron Essex to the show. Deron is a spiritual life coach and founder of Grounded Flight and has dedicated his life to helping people to find inner peace and to heal their past traumas. Deron is a gentleman and a delight to talk to. He’s an inspiration and I really enjoyed our conversation. This recording was, in fact, the first recording I did for the podcast, and I was a little bit nervous, but I was pleased how it went down. In fact, after the recording, I got a lot of confidence that the show could work.

 

So I hope you enjoy listening and is of service to you. Enjoy.

 

Hi Deron, thanks for joining us.

 

Deron Essex:
Hello, hello, hello, everybody.

 

Stuart Dixon:
What’s really cool for me is this was one of these random connections that we made on LinkedIn where we had similar interests. And after a few messages here and there, we’ve got some very similar kind of outlooks. I think that given the audience that I’d like to build on my podcast, I think that you’ve got a really interesting story to tell and really some fantastic advice, which I think is of real value. So let’s get to it.

Let dig deep. So, Deron, tell us a bit about your story, your background. How did you get to where you are now?

 

Deron Essex:
So my name is Deron Essex. I am from the US. I am 24 years old. And how I got here was so I grew up in Chicago, Illinois. And I grew up in a very violent part of the town. So when I grew up, I saw a lot of violence growing up. I saw people die around me. I was molested by babysitters. I was abused by my stepfather. So I had a lot of trauma growing up. Right. But as I was growing up, I didn’t really recognise what was really going on with me, because just like in the UK and the US, mental health is not talked about as much as it should be. I remember one time I was eight years old, And this is where everything really starts to hit for me I saw my best friend’s brother die right in front of me from gunshot wounds like he was two blocks down parked outside of his friend’s house. Somebody came and tried to rob him. He’d have any money. They shot him twice in the chest and he was able to drive two blocks down. And when he got out the car right in front of my house, he just collapsed on the ground and bled to death. And seeing that gave me so much anxiety and so much PTSD, so much depression, I felt worthless.

I felt scared. I felt lost. And so it was this juxtaposition where inside of my house I didn’t feel safe because my parents, they were going through their own journey of uncovering what they had gone on. But then outside of my house, you know, violence was everywhere. You know, I would hear the police sirens every single day like clockwork.

So I didn’t feel safe really anywhere. And there was one day I was watching the show. I don’t know if this show airs and you get or have aired in the UK, but I was watching a show called Avatar The Last Airbender. In this show, they talk about meditation in spirituality. I was 10 years old at this time and I saw the main character meditating for the first time. I think the first time I ever saw somebody in a meditative state and in my head, I was like, that looks so peaceful. And then in that moment, something came over me and it told me to stop what I was doing to then go and meditate.

So I went outside and I started meditating when I was 10 years old. And now this is before the whole wellness trend. And before the whole wellness spat, I started meditating. And that was the first time that I felt at peace is out of myself. And I so actually fully present in my body also. I felt so light as a feather. And I remember the first time I came out of that experience, 10 years. So I was like, oh, my God. This was the coolest thing ever. I don’t know what just happened, but I’m going to go down this path because I think this is so cool.

So from the ages of 10 to 18, I started, you know, meditating literally any spiritual book or meditation, energy, healing, reprogramming, astral projection, anything. I devoured it. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. I read it, practiced it a million times and just kept doing it over and over and over again. And I didn’t know it at the time, but it was my escape from my environment. What was going on inside my house and outside of my house. When I was 18, I got to college and I fell under the belief that, you know, people in school don’t do this. The people in college, they don’t meditate. They don’t grow spiritually. They just party, you know, get drunk and, you know, half ass do their homework, you know. And I felt that belief and I, you know, started acting this way for two years. So for two years from freshman year and sophomore year of college, I didn’t do anything to grow myself.

And I let myself decay on the inside. And then sophomore year. And at this point, it was a really another dark moment of myself because I was anxious, again, my traumas from the past. You know, those deaths and those molestations, all stuff. So to come back and rear. Head my. I was thinking negative about myself 24 seven. I didn’t have confidence in myself. I was socially anxious. I was socially awkward. I try to minimise my presence in the room whenever and in whatever room I was in. And I was in a toxic relationship at the time that only mirrored the relationship I have with my stepfather back in the day.

So all this stuff, plus there were racial threats on campus. So all this stuff was hanging on me and I was so depressed at the time, I couldn’t even get out of my bed and walk down the block to go to class. All this pressure led to a mental breakdown. I remember it was November. It was sophomore year. Very cold. And I remember, you know, falling, collapsing to the ground, feeling defeated, feeling broken, feeling like I was just going to drop out of school and commit suicide. And, you know, I thought I was going to be the end of me. But then a voice of my old spiritual mentor came to me in that moment. And this voice was different from all those other self-defeating negative voices that were telling me to off myself. This voice said, Deron, get up and get back into your journey.

And those words still ring in my head to this day. And from that point on, for the next three months specifically, I self-diagnosed myself because I was studying psychology at the time. So when I was studying psychology sophomore year, I understood, oh, I had PTSD this whole time. I had depression this whole time. From 10, to 18, I was using these modalities to help me, even though I don’t really know why I was doing them so much. And so diagnose myself. OK, PTSD. I have suicidal thoughts. I have depression, anxiety. OK. In three months, I will be in a different state. So I started to go back to my old identity. I started to heal myself, reprogram myself, meditate 24/7, devour it, breathe it, become it.  I started to feel more alignment. I started to feel more at peace.

And it was when other people around me started to notice this difference as well. Professors at my college and my friends in college, they started say, Deron, you look different. Deron into you look like you’re glowing. Deron, you look like you just feel calm and your presence. What are you doing? So many people are asking that question. I was like, wow, you know, this may be something maybe here, but it wasn’t strong enough to make me step into it.

 

What made me stop and start teaching other people this was that I was applying for a program for a fellowship at my college where it was a two-year fellowship where you can study anything that you wanted. And I was an Africana studies major in college and so I saw the effects of racism and I saw the effects of racists on our body, especially on so predominately white school. And I saw that it, you know, created these identities inside of myself that made me feel small. And, you know, this happens, you know, through sexism, through like, you know, like all other different ways and for people of all races. And so I said, well, I presented to the fellowship committee. I said, you know, if racism and sexism and if all these things lead people to have destructive self-deprecating identities of themselves, meditation, and mentoring program, we can change it cause I saw a change in my life. So I had that conviction. Right? And then the fellowship denied me. It was like what? Are you quite serious? I was like two plus two is four, this is so simple. How are you not seeing this? And then that is what truly pissed me off!

 

And I said you know what? Fuck this. I won’t make my own damn program. And this is what we’re going to do. So I started a meditation group called ‘Uh-Oh’. I started that group every Sunday on my college campus around sophomore year, after my breakdown, after I had that awakening. And I start to teach people about two hours every single Sunday how to heal themselves, how to feel their divine peace in themselves and it wasn’t just students my age coming. It was professors two, three, four times my age. It was people in town. It was younger kids coming. And for three years, I cultivated this community of spiritual nerds, like this community of people, some Christians some Muslims, some didn’t even believe in a higher power but that was OK. Because I said anybody of any faith, like any demographic, can come and feel their inner peace. So I started doing that and I started to get powerful, powerful transformations inside of that program where people around town call me Mr. Meditation because everyone will be talking about the profound shifts that they will have in your sessions.

And I start to see this a lot. And I was like, whoa! this is really impacting people, right? So then suddenly you ended the summertime. Summertime came, me and my girlfriend at the time, we broke up. When we broke up she said these words to me that really hurt me, really hurt me! And it led me to have another dark moment. And she said, “you know Deron, you’re not worth me” and that broke my heart, Stuart, that broke my heart. And I was crying for like weeks. But then one day something came over me again. One day I woke up out of crying and I was like, Wait a second. Crap. What she’s talking about? What am I worth to myself? And that’s why I started to think really, what am I really worth to myself? Something I started thinking and I let it marinate in the back, my head and a few weeks passed and then I woke up again. It was almost 12:00 in the morning. It was a weird time in the morning. And I woke up and I was like, Oh, I know what I’m worth. I’m worth helping a lot of people. Like I just did in the meditation group. And I was like, OK. So I just started a business. That’s what I’m doing. Start a business helping people just like I was helping people in this group cause I have seen powerful transformations. And what I could do this at a scale millions of times bigger than this tiny classroom of like 10 to 15  people. So but then I was like, what am I going to call it? And then a shooting star passed in the sky.

And at that moment, Grounded Flight came into my head because it was the, you know, amalgamation of what I learned, which was that I had to ground myself before I took flight. And that’s kind of how my business started. And then junior year came and I started doing more sessions every single Sunday until I graduated. And then I started doing one-on-one coaching. And then people start to notice me and I start to get access, speak around the world, all these subjects and on these topics. And then, you know, I started to get a lot of traction online. And now I have clients all over the world and I help people, you know, heal themselves and become the version themselves that they truly were meant to be in his lifetime. And that’s kind of how I got here.

 

Stuart Dixon:
Wow, what an amazing story. One thing that really resonates with me in particular about what you said is that despite all the trauma, you could have gone down another road, right? You could have become another part of that life, you could have contributed more to that side of things, the negative stuff, the bad stuff. But because of this one moment, you chose a different path. What do you think is the difference between someone taking Path A and path B in that situation? Is it just having a moment, having a moment that opens your mind?

 

Deron Essex:
Ok. So that’s a great question. And I think that this is interesting because my whole life growing up, even when I was younger, like before 10, like five, six, seven, I would always, you know, think like what is more to life than what we see. You know, just this, you know, like obviously almost all this Air Deron duh, you know. But not like deeper than that, like behind the curtain, like what is really there.

And I think what happens is that people, they see other people and they mimic, you know, just like how does a baby cow know to eat grass? It watches the mom. Right. And it just automatically do. So it is like that. That is something if you are around people who aren’t like that. Right. Who you know, maybe aren’t as open-minded or who think that’s, you know, B.S. for people who are not realistic. So, you know, see that other side, you know, because the brain, the human mind can not truly understand something until it is compared to the opposite. Right?

So with me, when I saw that character meditating, that was the opposite reflection that I needed where I was like, whoa, I’ve been living in this other, like, stressed, anxious life this whole time thinking is normal. But then I’m seeing a completely opposite reflection. Now I can gauge where I’m at. So it’s about all about seeing that reflection. And, you know, society can. I mean, obviously, there are wellness trends and mental health trends occurring, but for the most part, it is still you have people who just think, I mean, ah man that’s not realistic or ag=h man like that’s stuff doesn’t work or anything like that. So the belief systems and people really are what really controls it.

Because for me, when I was growing up the whole time, I always had open-mind. And my mom always told me, keep open minds the right things because you never know what could pop up. And I think if we keep a close mind. Amen. This is life. You know, life sucks, man. Look at the weather is cloudy. life sucks, you know, like, if we keep having these beliefs and if we keep these thought patterns are hard to break out of a cycle, you’ve been doing it for 30 years because now it’s on repeat. Now you don’t even have to like think about it to think about those things.

 

Stuart Dixon:
That’s really cool. Let’s talk a bit about your own personal healing. Obviously, you were saying about meditating. What’s your process then for your own personal meditation? I mean, walk us through what you would do to meditate.

  

Deron Essex:
Yeah. So first off. I want to let you know that there is not one style of meditation, right? Like the most the normal style of meditation that you see is somebody, you know, like a yoga pose, you know, sit down clearing their mind. There are thousands of different meditations, thousands like physical meditation, somatic meditation, sensory meditations, visualisation meditations.

What I personally like I like to mix it up. So in the morning times, I like to do breathwork. Right. I’m just like simply breathing in and out. And, you know, people may say so simple, but check this out. If you’re stressed or if you’re anxious, you’re not breathing properly. You’re not breathing deeply. You’re breathing shallowly.

So I like breathwork. I also like to do a lot of visualisation. Right? Visualisation is simply put, is you imagine a situation that you want to happen but hasn’t happened yet, but it’s on the way to happening. And I also do some like sensory-based physical touch meditation. Right. So I remember a lot of my healing as far as my past trust issues and people hurting me, I would put my hands on my heart, right, and do like visualisation meditation. Right. Like to heal myself. Or I will, you know, hug myself. Right. Like hugging the like inner child in my soul that was abused. I was hurt., I was a scared, anxious, I was scared of hugging that that that version of myself. So I do a lot of different things. And, you know, I primarily teach my clients meditations that help cleanse their life meant to cleanse their heart and their whole life experience.

So I do so I like mix it up with, like, breath work, physical touch, and visualisation. Those are my main three go tos on a daily basis.

Stuart Dixon:
Awesome. So in terms of the people that you help now, let’s talk about them. I mean, what kind of people are they? Is it a complete mixture of trauma that these people have experienced or are they older, the young? It’s just a mixed bag.

Deron Essex:
So the people that I hope for the past three years, they have fallen into this category. So this is an interesting thing. They’re from the ages of about 17 to 60

They all have very similar things that they struggle with. Right. And so they have traumas from the past. And now these traumas can be different. Right. Did it have to be some big cataclysmic trauma like me seeing the death of my best friend’s older brother? They could be something as tiny as well. Not tiny, but like they could be something in a different kind of spectrum where, you know, their father was around, but he wasn’t emotionally involved or they had relationships in the past where, you know, the other person cheated on them and they had trust issues and now they have that pain inside or someone has betrayed them or something like that. So the trauma varies. It ranges from all the way to like really tiny, benign things, like somebody, you know, say something to you, negative called you may be stupid or dumb at all or unworthy. You’ve been repeating that to yourself constantly for like 20 years. And now it’s a natural way that you believe buttress up all the way up to like, you know, people who have been molested or people who have been raped or people who have, you know, had loved ones passed or people who have seen death or people who can’t sit by themselves without any other distractions, you know, so. So elite ranges with those traumas. And I have tools to help on all levels of those traumas from like those really tiny things. There’s really, really big things.

Stuart Dixon:
Is the journey for healing coming o
ut the other side? Is it all relative? Like, for example, if it’s an extreme trauma, what we would call it, extreme trauma of witnessing, you know, a death like you did, is the journey out of that trauma a lot longer or is it more about how how the individual is receptive to the process?

 

Deron Essex:
It’s kind of both. First of all, I don’t take anybody into my programs who are not ready to delve into these things or who feel like they won’t give it up 100 percent because their energy won’t serve me or them. Psychological healing is a lifestyle, not a one and done type thing. Not all went to a seminar. I’m good, you know. No, it’s not like that. It’s a lifestyle thing. So I’ll tell my clients I give them the healing tools to consistently use throughout their life because healing takes place like we’d like onions, right. Like the deeper you go, the deeper layers that you peel back, the more stuff that you’d notice that you didn’t notice before. So it’s really about them being 100 percent open to, like, dealing with it. And if they have a 100 percent commitment to healing it, to going through it, it can happen way faster. Then they then they think. So, for example. Right. One of my clients. His name is Dale Peters. You know, he’s about like 50 something and he can’t be because he saw his childhood traumas. Well, you know, stuff with his mom and his dad was rare and their ugly head and sabotaging his relationships. You know, divorce, divorce, divorce. 

Right. And these things are really deep. And I asked him to write it. Right. I wold you write these traumas on a scale of one to 10. You know you said ten out of ten. Like, as far as the impact and how severe and deeply it he feels inside. Right. And I told him, I said, OK, I have some tools for you if you commit a hundred percent to doing this every single day. Within six weeks, that 10 can reasonably go down to one. And that’s what happened because he gave his full commitment to doing it. And it’s a simple practice. The healing techniques work, whether it be something big or maybe something small. It just depends on if it is big. You may have to do more repetitions. That’s all. That’s it. But it’s still the same thing. And, you know, it kind of happens in waves, right? Like, I work at people for, like the first six weeks of my program to teach him all the healing tools stuff for the rest of your life. If something else pops up in our consciousness that they were not previously aware of, like a year or two years, the line, they still have the tools. So I still debunk it mentally, emotionally and spiritually from their bodies.

 

Stuart Dixon:
The nature of this podcast is obviously to help men through to their own well-being and one of the issues that’s out there at the moment is that men are struggling with the ability to be vulnerable and to open up. Women tend to have this in the bag. They’re very lifeforce is about sharing it and talking and being emotional. Us guys it’s algebra to us. It’s just like, what? How do we change the whole man up kind of stuff? You know, I’ve been through some stuff that makes me more of a man because I’m dealing with it. You’re not. The only way you can truly deal with it, is by opening up. Now, men are afraid of opening up. They’re afraid of being vulnerable because they’ve been taught over the years that that’s a sign of weakness. You know, men don’t want to be seen to be weak, in their mind it’s unattractive to the opposite sex. So how are we going to get men to open up?

 

Deron Essex:
This is the interesting part. So society is interesting cause I talked about all over the world and this is the same in the UK and the US and Canada everywhere else, and where we have these old outdated models of what a man is and what a woman is. We say men will push strong, right. No emotions, crap emotions. You know, we relate, you know, like they’re vulnerable, like they’re emotional. But here’s the thing.

Both men and women have masculine and feminine energy to them. We all do. We, like all of us, do. So if you’re a man and you say are gone, I can’t be vulnerable. That’s bullshit! Straight up until you run out is bullshit because you can. You just had a belief that was instilled to you before you were seven. So, I mean, it really locked in. Oh, man, I can’t crack. Oh, man. I can’t, you know, emote or I can be like, vulnerable and like, open up. But this is what I would say to those men. You’re not an alpha man if you can’t be vulnerable because an alpha, a true alpha isn’t somebody like. Oh, strong and brute. No, no, no, no, no. A true alpha male is somebody who can be emotionally vulnerable, who can share. They’re like soft sides of their tummy. Right. And you can also be strong, you know, and like, you know, go like focus when the time comes. It’s the ability to be both. I want them to understand that we have been taught to, like, think in a box. Oh, a man must be in his box. If you step outside his box, then like, you know, you’re a woman, you’re a sissy, you’re a cock. All the stuff like that. But see more of a spectrum. Right. You are what you need to be in the moment. So in the moment when like I’m sure that I mean, I need to emote. I need to cry. I need to, you know, like hug somebody ends and just cross somebody’s shoulders.

I’m like, OK, that’s where I need to be right now, because that’s what I need from myself. Love in this moment. If I need to go to my girlfriend a cry on her shoulder about something that just happened, I will do that right. And then I’m OK. Then when I’m, you know, focused and my like business to like say, OK, what are my goals, you know, like where am I trying to get in my life? Then I switch back to that like focus masculine energy. But I’m always moving on the spectrum between feminine energy and my masculine energy because we need both, we needed both energies. If you are just giving yourself another bit masculine energy all the time, you’re going to bring yourself into the ground and you’re gonna end up alone or you end up in relationships that aren’t emotionally connected. Which sucks. They’re like dead relationships. So the men have to know. And whatever it is that that you’re listening to, it doesn’t matter you how to learn that you have a feminine side. Which is why we have. Because we were all women before our chromosomes change and we got under. Also understand that being vulnerable is actually a strength. Right. We’re taught as weakness. No, because I’ve seen it so many times when I’m caused by people and I share my own story of like times. You know, I was down and I was out. It is the true sign of power. That’s a true sign of power and strength. When you’re strong enough to open up. Be vulnerable. Show your vulnerabilities and not be afraid of the outcome.

That’s true strength.

 

Stuart Dixon:
Yeah. I mean, it seems that the more vulnerable you are, the more the good stuff comes rolling through. You just open the door and let all the bad stuff out and let all the good stuff in. It enables you to connect with people. Certainly, that’s something that I’ve learned over the last few years myself.

So, Deron, tell us about some of the books that you delved into. You know, as a young lad, give us a couple of books that someone’s on their journey to awaken. What books do you recommend?

 

Deron Essex:
Ask. And it is given by Abraham Hicks. Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill. Oh. Oh, this one. Tantric Sex, love, and relationships for the modern man. I’ve been reading this book recently. I’m almost done it. It has changed my life.

So I would say those three books, especially the ask it is given because that talks more about how to manifest, how to get the life that you want. That’s, you know, more like Feminine based, but also masculine base energy. And there’s well, then the Napoleon Hill book thing. But then this book right here by Divine Kieko, it says, you know, tantric sex, love relationships for the modern man, how to how healthy sexuality can awaken a man’s consciousness. This book is really powerful. And I really share this book because it helps to, you know, like just show the B.S. that we’ve been taught about, you know, love, about relationships and about sex and about, you know, that I’m a man. So, like, it’s only you know, it’s only about me in the bedroom or it’s only about my coming in the bedroom, not the other person. Right. So it really helps us to be more vulnerable and to awaken these deeper, subtle energies inside of us. Right. Because everybody can nurture. Everybody has the ability to nurture and to destroy. There’s an old story about this Native American grandpa who was talking to his grandson. And grandpa was telling it the grandson, that everybody has to walk inside of them. One that kills. And one that helps. And then the grandson says ‘but papa, which, you know, which wolf wins? And then he says the one that you feed. They gotta be strong all the time. But if he’s stronger, like if you’re so skewed to one side of the spectrum, that’s how like that is what jams things up. And that’s why you don’t really have things like that you want in life. Right? You don’t. Because men, you know, we think that we want to be stronger all the time. But no, we don’t. We really want to be babies, sometimes we want to be cuddled. Sometimes we want to be held. Sometimes we want to be nurtured ourselves sometimes.

And it’s about saying that it’s OK to be nurturing. No, that’s not a sissy. No, that’s not a punk. No, that’s not like. No, that’s none of these iconic connotations that the world and people who don’t know what they’re talking about been given us.

Stuart Dixon: In terms of trauma and the signs, how does it manifest? How do you know someone is suffering some inner dialogue or inner pain or trauma?

So there’s a lot of different ways. Let’s bring it down. The first way I would talk about the more overt ways, the more noticeable ways that anybody can talk about, the more like sly way is that you can’t really notice. The more like noticeable ways if someone is, like, angry all the time.

That’s coming from somewhere. Right. To if so, like my client did, you know, he noticed he was like, I’m angry all the time. Where is this coming from? You know, why is it happening? So it’s. If someone says. Oh, this isn’t cool. If. One says that are unrealistic. No, no, no, no. You’re not really is a realist.

So I heard this somewhere and this is a really problem. Think some of us said a realist is only an optimist with trauma. So basically, people say, no, I’m a realist. No, something happened to you where you got hurt and then your beliefs shifted and now you only see things from a skewed point of view. Right. So if someone is all that man, that’s not real. Or like, you know, that’s fake or someone’s always trying to be realistic. That’s a sign that there is some trauma somewhere there that they haven’t discovered yet. But it happened so long ago that they don’t even know that the effects of what they’re feeling now is from that cause all the way back then because our memories suck.

Another way is if, you know, you see someone is like lying all the time or like not being true to their word, like, you know, like there is if you see that, that’s a sign that something maybe there, you know, down deep. Another sign is somewhere out the blue cat, like getting attitude you know, catches like a really deep mood swing that they cannot verifiably say wherefrom it just naturally happens or they wake up in that mood or something like that. No noticeable signs, more conversant because people sometimes reboot, you know, push stuff down so deep that they know it. You know, I was on a call with this young lady from somewhere in the U.S. I can’t remember where. But she was saying she said she put all of her dark stuff in a box in the back of her mind in her closet, and she never opens it. So she knows herself so much.

So you cannot emotionally feel it may be because you have numbed yourself and, you know, just like get into instant gratification things to distract yourself. That’s another way that it’s like more other covert ways, more insidious ways that this thing happens is that if you find yourself sitting down by yourself thinking nothing but negative thoughts or replaying most of the day like replaying stuff that happened five years ago or a year ago, 10 years ago, this negative thing that happened way back when.

Another thing that somebody has trauma, whether it can be once again, it could be motion trauma, relationship trauma, fine natural trauma as well. Right. Like, somebody lost a lot of money. And now that now their belief and that’s up images look right. It manifests in ways of not being able to manifest money. It manifests in ways and not being to manifest a relationship that mattered. But it is everything. So I said this on a podcast yesterday, and I must say this, too. So it’s like I want you to imagine, right, that this beautiful deep ocean and at the bottom of the ocean. It is a treasure chest full of jewels, full of beautiful rubies and sapphires. And rose quartz and also like that. Right. And that box of jewels is your divine mission. It’s your calling. It’s your life is your energy. It’s your. It’s everything that let you know electrifies you. But what happens is that you know these traumas. Right. They can become these really big boulders over time if we don’t deal with them, as we say, time heals all wounds. Sometimes that’s the case. But it depends on the moment. Some sometimes time can can can do it, but compound the wound and make this tiny little pebble into a big ass boulder over time. What happens is that if you have too many boulders over that treasure chest and your swimming through you looking at the bottom of the ocean, you can even see the treasure chest. Meaning that just like you can have all of this trauma, like all in your system, too, whereas it’s blocking your ability to connect the deepest part of yourself because there’s a big boulder blocking the treasures and blocking out of the abundance that is naturally give to you in life.

Stuart Dixon:
So what’s step one Deron? You need help or maybe you don’t know you need help. How does someone begin the process of changing their life?

Deron Essex;
So step one is all about really being real with yourself. Looking yourself in the mirror and trully asking 
yourself, is the way I’ve been living these past five years am I okay living in that same day for the next five years? That’s the real thing, you know. And it’s like really being honest, which is. And you know, if you’re watching this podcast now, I would say another step is really questioning yourself.

Here are some questions you can access up to kind of gauge where you’re at mentally and emotionally, spiritually. The first question, would you honestly say that you have some traumas or some wounds or some unresolved issues you haven’t fully dealt with? Yes or no. Write that down on a piece of paper. If you were to rate that on a scale of one to 10, one being a tiny little pebble, you know, ten being the impact in your life, a big boulder. Where would you rate that one out of 10? Right, and then how does it affect you? Write it down. Right. How does it affect your relationship? Your finances, your business, your career, everything else. It first starts with awareness and being real enough to come out of that denial phase, either realistic phase and be realistic to yourself and being like, yo, I have some things that I’m still dealing with and that’s OK, you know because we all do. And that’s why it’s a lifestyle.

Right? So the first step is awareness. And sometimes people sometimes that happens so far back in the past who people don’t even know what’s there because they’ve numbed themselves so much. So it’s about stepping out of that numbness and stepping into feeling, because we do want to feel that we don’t want to.

We want to run from that feeling, because then the more you run from the feeling, the more you feel gets powerful. Now, that has control over you now is moving you wherever it wants you to move instead of you turn around, face it and be rude and look at that dark side in the face, you know? So then those same questions because of my look, I want to understand your situation. So, you know, it’s like, what are your traumas if you have them? Right. Okay. After you answer those questions, negative thinking percenters throughout the day. What is that? You want to know that because that reflects where your identity is. Right. And then whatever your people, people when you say that they think like 40 percent negative thoughts about the day right after that, what is the loudest negative thought that you always hear? You need to know that you need to write that down, because that is the identifier of a big block or big belief that is deeply woven into your mind, into your identity. Right. And then it’s about, OK, if this were you right now, it’s about understanding your own current situation and then seeing where you want to go in life. Like, do you want to keep living like that? Obviously not. Who would want to keep living with trauma if they knew and they know it’s better heavenly, the better way to go about it. So the first thing is awareness after awareness to be real and then, you know, making that commitment to go down that journey because most people are like, man, I’m not ready to deal with it, but is actually hurting you more not to deal with it than run away from it, you know?

So that’s the first step, right?

Getting on that call with me, like us really breaking down where you are at mentally, emotionally, spiritually in this current place and time, seeing where you want to get to that new 2.0 version of yourself and then seeing if you have what it takes to get there. Most of the time people don’t, because if they did, they will already be there. Right. So that means something is there as black. And if we get into with it, then we get to life. The next step is really going through you know, the process and the program that I have, which is like 30 new programs that help people heal everything that’s happened to them. Every program, all the negative thinking, low self-image, low confidence, low self-esteem. Right. Is really been going down that path and helping me, guiding them step by step. And to their own journey in them. So I’m not doing work for them. I’m only giving them the platform, giving them the system and strategies that I and my clients use to make transformation every single day of their lives.

 

Stuart Dixon:
That’s great. So how do people find you Deron?

 

Deron Essex:
Yes. So basically, if you want to schedule a call with me, It’ll just be a 45-minute call,  I ask some questions about your life, see where you’re at and where you want to go to, and then I honestly tell you if I can help. Go to www.deronessex.com/schedule. If you go to that Web site, you will see all of my availability for the next four days.

You schedule a 45-minute timeslot there, you’ll answer some of the questions on a survey. Look at the survey. And then I look at your application. Then I have a call which you like, you know, chat.

 

Stuart Dixon:
Also, of course, we’ll all do is when this goes out. What we’ll do is I’ll put it on the Web page and we’ll put all these links there so people can just literally get that path right with a click.

Deron, it’s been fascinating listening to you, your journey, what you do. You clearly know what you’re doing in this space and your clearly helping a hell of a lot of people as well. So, guys, anyone listening to this podcast that believes that they need to get some help, get some support. This is your man. This guy knows what he’s talking about. And if you’re still listening to this podcast from where it started, then obviously he’s resonated with you anyway. So why not check him out, have that call, and you never know. It might be one of those Airbender moments for you where you can, you know, you can transform your life. So, Deron, thanks so much for taking out some time today to talk to us. Wish you all the best.

Deron Essex:
Thank you.

So there we have it, the first-ever interview for the podcast. I hope that you’ve got something from it for me, the key takeaways. Well, I think that vulnerability is not a weakness. In fact, it’s a strength. It’s a superpower. Because when you are strong enough to open up and not be afraid of the outcome, then you can release pressure. You’re authentic. You can make room for positive things. And it enables you to emotionally connect with people. So everybody wins.

Also, consistent meditation is, in fact, a powerful tool that can help you heal, reframe your world, and reprogram yourself for inner peace and happiness. So it’s a tonic and it’s a game-changer. So make sure you visit the website www.theignitedman.com, where you can subscribe to the show on iTunes and Stitcher or via RSS, so you’ll never miss a show. So while you’re at it, if you found value in the show, I really would appreciate a rating in my iTunes.

Or if you simply tell a friend about the show, that would help me out to be sure to tune in next week for Episode three, when I will be talking to Rowan Andrews, a professional men’s coach and founder of the No More Mr. Nice Guy, UK based coaching a support group with over 1800 members.

So that should be awesome. So until then, thanks for joining me on the podcast.

Take care. Bye.

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